A Break That Brought Clarity

A few weeks ago, I took what was meant to be a reset.

Caregiving, running a nonprofit, managing home life — it’s a lot. I felt the need for space. Space to breathe. Space to think. Space to reconnect with myself and reflect on what the next steps should look like for Heartsmith and for our family.

The trip didn’t unfold the way I expected.

First, my Subaru reminded me that life rarely goes according to plan. We had replaced the transmission right before I left, and almost immediately there were issues — lug nuts that hadn’t been tightened properly, then another part that had to be ordered and took nearly a week to arrive. I found myself unexpectedly stranded in suburbia after living in the middle of nowhere for the past few years. It felt strange. Disorienting. A little symbolic, if I’m honest.

Being stuck wasn’t all bad, though. During that time, I reconnected with a friend from high school. We shared stories, laughter, and memories. That part was grounding and good.

I also brought a resident from the property with me on this trip. At home, he had always been someone who brought peace to my life. On the road, things shifted. Stress changed the dynamic. His thinking became more paranoid and irrational. Drinking entered the picture. My days became focused on de-escalating, calming, ensuring safety. The “break” I had hoped for quietly transformed back into caregiving.

I don’t want to go into details about everything that happened or why he ultimately did not return to the property. What I will say is this: the experience heightened my awareness of safety — for myself and for my family. It clarified boundaries. It sharpened my understanding of responsibility. And it reminded me that good intentions must always be balanced with wisdom.

In the middle of the stress, though, there was light.

Spending time with my friend’s children changed something in me. Even when the days felt chaotic, the kids brought joy. Their curiosity, laughter, and presence were grounding. I realized how deeply I enjoy being around children. How natural it feels. How life-giving it is. Even when everything else felt heavy, they reminded me of what is simple and true.

Children have a way of cutting through the noise.

Now that I’m home, I feel grateful. Grateful for perspective. Grateful for safety. Grateful for clarity.

I’m still processing everything. But I know this:

I have a deeper understanding of what truly matters to me.
I have a clearer sense of the kind of environment I want to build — at home and within Heartsmith.
And I have a renewed commitment to protecting the peace and safety of my family.

Sometimes the breaks that don’t go as planned are the ones that reveal the most.

I left looking for rest.
I came home with clarity.

And for that, I’m thankful.